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My six-month wedding anniversary is here, which may not sound like anything too substantial (especially if you’ve been married for years and years!). But for my husband and I, our fresh, new marriage is a time to reflect on this past year. I say year because it is also our one-year anniversary from becoming engaged. Most people thought I was a little crazy for only giving myself six months to plan my wedding.
December 15th proposal, June 17th wedding.
My top “Donts” that develop into “Dos”
Don’t sweat the small things
Does your significant other always leave dishes out? Leave the lights on? Leave clothes on the floor? Cover the bathroom counter in every personal product imaginable, for days on end? (oops, guilty!)
Some of these may be from personal experience, but what I have learned is that these things don’t matter, in the long run. In the moment, it can be frustrating. You’ve just cleaned the kitchen and now there are dishes and trash on the counter. Which, is right next to the trashcan.
Instead of getting upset, maybe realize your significant other doesn’t see this as a problem, thus they continue to repeat this same behavior. Talk it out if you need to. Communicate in ways that work best for the two of you. Whether that’s a more serious tone conversation, or a light and joking-toned discussion. No two couples communicate the same way.
You know the old saying “it’s no use crying over spilled milk”? Well, it’s no use crying over some trash on the counters, either. Or five water glasses on a nightstand. Or an entire wardrobe on a bedroom floor. Or five pairs of shoes on the living room floor.
You get the point.
Don’t transfer outside stressors onto each other
Is work stressing you out? Family members? Did you just sit in hours of traffic? The first thing you should not do is come home and transfer your negativity onto your spouse. We’re all guilty of doing this, but why? The only thing we receive out of this is wasted time; time spent frustrated at one another as opposed to time well spent and happy. Your spouse will understand if you’ve had a bad day; we all have bad days. But your spouse may be less understanding if you take your frustrations out on them.
Tell your spouse what is stressing you out, and then take the time you need to properly ease your mind of your stressors. This may include some alone time, and that’s perfectly fine. We all need time to ourselves to regroup and decompress from the world.
Don’t go to bed angry
We have a sign that reads Always Kiss Me Goodnight in our bedroom. I bought it simply because I thought it was sweet, but it really is a vital piece of advice for couples to live by every day. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have gone to bed truly upset at my husband, and I still wouldn’t use every finger on that one hand.
Only six months of marriage, need I remind you!
Going to bed upset only means one thing: you’re going to wake up upset. Start and end your days on positive thoughts. Plus, if you are like me, you won’t sleep well with negativity weighing heavily on your mind. Give yourself the peace of mind that you and your relationship needs by communicating how you feel. Communication helps to soften the wounds and dissolve the pain of arguments.
Force that goodnight kiss if you have to!
Don’t depend on one person to do it all
Have the important conversations about money and paying bills. Who pay’s what and when? Will you take turns with certain bills? Split all the bills evenly? Having a game plan upfront for your money will help make those monthly bills a breeze if you’re both on the same page from day one.
The same idea goes for household tasks: grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Who does what? Who will shop? Clean? Cook? If you want to evenly split things make sure you first communicate exactly how to divide up the tasks. Don’t just assume the other person will take care of it if you haven’t had a prior conversation.
Having a plan allows you to avoid certain things, like not having any food in the house. (guilty! and we live so close to the grocery store)
A new marriage is exciting and delicate. It is a time to learn together and grow with your experiences.
Six months down, a lifetime to go! Share with me your Dos and Donts for marriage.